Sometimes Energy takes us off the path for a little lesson, and I have just come through such a lesson, a lesson on what is truly important in our lives.
We have all heard the phrase, “Poor little rich girl.” Well, I have spent the last several months participating as part of a team to help a very wealthy young woman with high anxiety syndrome find equilibrium in her life. The Universe brought three Reiki masters together to help her find the balance point between all out, shut-down anxiety, and reality. She is a highly intelligent young woman so she got there in the end, but we (the team) are concerned about how long she will be able to maintain that balance unsupported because once we got her to that place we were clearly no longer needed. It was time for her parents to step back into her life. And they did.
Her parents’ idea of being there for their daughter was to purchase her a house (a B–I–G house) a few blocks away from their house for her to live in all by herself with a servant/house mum who has a 6 month old babe of her own to look after. Isn’t that what every 16-year-old wants? A beautiful big house to rattle around in all by themselves? No family. No sibs. No parents. No friends. Just a woman she barely knows and a 6 month old baby.
Her parents are very busy business people and they seem to view raising their children as ‘the business of raising children”. So they are not there to hear how her day went at school. They are not there to listen to her dreams. They are not there to give her a hug when she is down. They are not there for those long and important parent / child conversations. They are not there for a cozy evening in front of the TV. They are not there in their capacity as parents at all. Someone else is hired to do that for them.
And all our young woman wants, all that she has ever asked for, is to go home and live with her parents. But instead she has been abandoned to her own house to live with a stranger. She thinks she is being punished for something and I think she is right.
And what is she being punished for do you think? Well, she is being punished for having high anxiety syndrome. Her Mother finds it very difficult to be around her daughter when high anxiety hits. Very difficult. Makes her mother very anxious. Very fearful.
What do you think the odds are that our young woman will be back in uncontrolled high anxiety before the next school year is done? Does she even have a chance? Will she come back from it the next time, on her own? How many ‘come backs’ do you think a 16-year-old has in them? She is courageous – a very lovely, personable, well-behaved, energetically sensitive, intelligent, and courageous young woman. The kind of daughter most parents of a 16 year old daughter would love to have. She’s a great kid. But I am very worried for her. Her way of making it work is to do anything to please. To gain acceptance.
So what is the lesson here? What would you take from this story (it is a true story) that would help enrich your life? Or the lives of your children? Your parents? Your life partner? Your family? Your friends. Co-workers?
Part of the answer is understanding what the tipping point was for our young woman. Yes to some extent her high anxiety is genetic, but just because we have a genetic predisposition to something doesn’t mean we have to go there. So why did this young lady go to that place of serious and possibly life-threatening high anxiety? Note: high anxiety people often try to deal with their feelings of anxiety with drugs, cutting, and other life-threatening behaviours such as attempts at suicide.
Another part of the answer is understanding what children really need more than any amount of anything you can buy them. What do you think those might be? Support? Love? Nurturing? Being held and heard? Personally cared for? Included? Being part of the richness of a family? Feeling wanted? Children can live just fine without the next fashionable toy, but they wither without love.
Libraries have been written on the damage that is done when children are emotionally abandoned. We become high anxiety when we are emotionally abandoned, and the problem is growning in our society at a terrifying rate according to psychologists. Why do you suppose that is?
So why do her parents think things will fill that void their daughter’s life? What taught them that? They are not calus people. They care about their daughter. But what is it about our modern life-style that informed them that love equates to things? That expensive things will fill the void of their absence in her life? What is going on here to cause this belief? And before you go there, this kind of behaviour has not traditionally been standard fare for wealthy families, but it has become so for ordinary families as well as the wealthy. Its an epidemic. Where is it coming from?
How do you think life style has contributed to her anxiety? Did she choose this life style? Not really. Not like this anyway. Her personal values are for the closeness of family. It shows up in her behaviours and the way she treats the people she cares about. Her values are clearly not the same as her parents’ values.
I know many of you are good parents, siblings, children, friends, etc., but pay attention. Make sure that the things that are really important in your life and the lives of those you care about are happening. Make sure that the most valuable gift you give them is yourself, your attention, and your time. Demonstrate your love in ways they can understand and that will support them wherever they go.
The only thing that you can take with you in the end is the quality of the relationships you built while in your life. The love. The belonging. The sharing. The memories.
Our young lady’s parents may have some serious karmic rebound from this life. And what values are they teaching their children about what is really important? I am concerned not just for our Miss T, but for all the kids out there.